Poise Prayer Practice

At the NASPA conference I attended, the closing speaker -- Sekou Andrews -- was absolutely terrific. And of the many things he said, a phrase jumped out at me that I wrote down: Poise, Prayer, Practice.  

During the week at NASPA, I was still connected to work. (Am sure the majority of us were!) And I thought the issues I was dealing with long distance were challenging enough.  Personnel contracts, classrooms, textbooks, all sorts of daily operational issues.

And then March 26th hit.
I was hit so hard from left field, that it took my head awhile to stop spinning.  And as I struggled with decisions and options for myself (stay? go?), I tried to make sense of a sudden change.  

With no notice (and no sign of this coming), I found out that my job has changed, and within that are many factors that really rocked me.  I allowed myself to cry my eyes out several hours that week from the shock of this change, but it was mostly about how I found out (copied in on an email). Nothing wrong with the crying, but beyond deep breathing past anxious moments and letting off some pressure through tears, I had to figure out a way to get THROUGH it.

My mother-in-law gave me a book of daily devotions before I left for the UAE. There is hardly a night that I don't pick it up and read the devotion for the day. And sometimes that devotion ends up being a 2 by 4 from God hitting upside the head, and I shake my head in wonder at the relevance to a particular day.

I started to write this post on March 28th, and as I read that day's devotion, I ended up smiling slightly and shaking my head ... this particular devotion helped me not to wallow.  Here's what I read: "When we set aside our own interests and accomplishments to recognize that it's better to care for the interests of others (Phillippians 2:4), we see God's name glorified. Acting with grace and kindness toward others is one of the best ways to point people to God."  (Okay, I must cite at least the title of book: "Our Daily Bread Devotional Collection")

And, on Easter Sunday, the sermon at the service I attended, including several minutes about being given the power to forgive others. Oh, did I look up to the ceiling, shake my head, and give God a slight smile. But I have to tell you, that was powerful ... to hear about forgiveness in a context that connected with me, and then to actually go with that and let go of the negative and sad feelings.

I told Tim, others, and even myself that I wanted to handle this turn of events with dignity and integrity.  I wanted to help my management staff (now my former staff and now my dear colleagues) adjust to the changes as well. Between this daily devotion reading and Sekou's phrase of "poise" (dignity and integrity in my mind), "prayer" (something that helps me frequently and yet I need to use that tool even more), and "practice" (right now I think for me that's getting through extremely frustrating and confusing situations and keeping my sense of humor and sanity intact) ... I can do it.  Well, all that, and the love and support of Tim.  (And thank goodness for my brother and sister-in-law, as together we get through the crazier of days ... we always hope we won't all have an extreme day, all at the same time!)

So now I am the Advisor to the Director, instead of Director. I am actually enjoying working on specific projects, troubleshooting and problem solving where possible, and overseeing Student Services.  From the start I have embraced the concept of Emiratization, and I think it is good that the new Director is Emirati (she was the Associate Director), and I am sincerely hoping she can move things forward further than I could as an Expat.  And I like having more time to be a moral support and advisor to the team. I think the restructuring that is happening within the Academy will be good for the long-term.

I am taking this one day at a time, because you just never know what turn things can take ... here, and I suppose in life in general.

And I continue to analyze and understand my purpose in being here. The soft skills, like rolling with things, and maneuvering through politics (organizational and national), and maintaining dignity and professionalism when you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster ... definitely seem to be some of the things I'm here to learn at a higher level than ever before. And hopefully along the way I continue to contribute to the growth of this new Academy. 

You may wonder why it has taken me over a month to share this new turn.  Honestly, it took some time to wrap my head around it, and begin to figure out what my days would look like at work in this new role.  And I needed time to reflect on this change and the communication of it. At first it was a shock and a disappointment.  Felt like a body blow, knocking the wind out of you so hard you cannot speak. I suppose a bit of what it probably feels like to be tackled and you never saw this huge player coming at you. And you drop to you knees. And wonder what just happened. And you pick yourself up, and with the help of some others you dust yourself off, and find your footing again.